Saturday, 07 April 2018 18:16

Facing death made me appreciate truth even further...

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Facing death is part of life and quite likely unique personal experience which sooner or later each one of us faces... Surviving death personally is likely chance that only some of us have, so here my personal story. During my lifetime so far I first faced death at 13 when I felt down from a roof while picking up berries from a nearby tree. I believe having relatively good memories of that distant 1986-case, I just do not know why it happened? So I and my brother were picking berries from a tree, as aware of the distance between me and the end of the flat roof I suddenly felt something like been thrown into the air. A possibility for that might have been that I have touched the electrical wires passing over the roof or that by simply walking back I stepped out of the roof...? However in the instant realizing that I am falling I tried to catch the visor of the roof not thinking that my head will pass before my stretched hands and hitting the front left side of my head into the visor I fall back on my back on the ground - my torso on a cemented path and my head onto the soil, some 20 cm from a metal scraper... Somewhere in that process I have lost consciousness and might have also stopped breathing...? So the things I’ve been told from my brother and relatives who saved me, were that after seeing me on the ground my brother started shouting, then an uncle of ours jumped over the fence from the next house, came around me and has shaken me... After the shook I already remember throwing up some blood and saying that I do not see well with my left eye... Since then I have partially lost sight with my left eye due to partial damage of the visual nerve... And this is the first time I faced a kind of close to death experience personally...

Later on that year our mother passed away, officially from cancer and the stress passed by along my fall, had quite likely contributed badly to her disease and death... Along the held then funeral ceremony there was a moment stuck deep into my memory, and that was the moment when the coffin with her dead body passed next to me for the first time... Around me there were a crowd of people and an aunt standing by, so at the very moment the coffin passed by I remember smiling naturally and my aunt asked - what are you smiling at, why are you so happy...? Well the thing I suddenly felt was one of joy, because at that very moment for some reason I started feeling deeply that only the body of my mother is dead, not her soul (for the believers) or legacy (for the rest) – and I simply smiled naturally...Your personal experience in similar cases might be different, but that at that instant was mine...

Then in 2009 I got involved in a really heavy car-crash, where the driven by me Mitsubishi Carisma hit almost frontally a big trailer-truck. And again I remember well what happened, but have no clue why it did...? Some say that everything happens for a reason, regardless whether we are, or are not predestined, but however you take it, one of the best ways we learn is through experience, hence here is a piece of mine shared... I was driving after a friend of mine from Sofia (Bulgaria) to Samokov on a wet, relatively small road when on a straight part of the road I noticed the truck driving from the other side, as there was a small right turn at the end of the straight section. Well as in thousands of similar cases before that, I continued driving listening to the music coming from the CD of the car... However somewhere around the small turn, just after Losing my religion of REM has started on the CD, the crash happened... And it was something like noticing that the truck was too close to my side of the road...After that I remember shaky mess, like on the movies and after it stopped I was sitting in the car among smoke and broken glass, behind the opened air-back... The CD was spat out of the CD player and two men were standing at the left side of the car in front of the stopped truck...I also noticed that my left wrist was misplaced... Soon after that my friend, who as he said noticed a big black cloud of smoke in his mirror, was knocking at my door, saying - get out, get out. I told him that I cannot stand up alone, after which he helped me open my seatbelt and get out...After getting up I also noticed that the thumb of my right leg was standing up broken and I have multiple cuts on my legs and arms...However I went to the two standing in front of the truck men and gave my right hand asking – how are you men? The closer to me, presumably the driver, said OK... The truck, a big trailer had some minor damages at its bumper, the Mitsubishi Carisma’s front side was almost completely smashed especially at its right side... Even that there came a policemen after the accident, the crash was never officially investigated, so I will leave presuming further what and why did happen and will continue with the time in the hospital in Samokov, where again for some reason I was left for more than 2 days with heavy peritonitis/sepsis, which I got from the powerful hit of the seatbelt upon my stomach, which broke some of my guts... So after lying on the bed for more than 48 hours, given only some sedatives I started feeling that my life-energy starts evaporating and I am slowly fading away... You know however personal it was that time told in many other similar stories, I really rethought my life since my childhood. And from that prospective I realized that the purity of the consciousness and moral are the prime pillars of what matters at the end... Re-evaluating my life I’ve realized that I have done many mistakes and if I could have gone back I wouldn’t repeat many of them, yet there was nothing major to regret and despite the fact that my body was badly injured, gazing towards the horizon, I felt incredible peace deep inside my chest. However poor my present description might be it was a great sensation of grace which in a way made me understand that it’s the true you that matters at the end of your bodily life. I say so because many religions and especially the Christian monks with whom I lately spent some time, truly believe that eternity starts only after death and that we will be judged for our life, thoughts and deeds. I do not know that, but my conscious near death experience, thought me that lived-truth matters most and that for me that was and still is at least true love, true friends, shared value, God and Nature......

In 2015 after I and my family were severely discriminated our father passed away and yet again the stress passed upon him because of me did quite likely speed up his death..........

P.S. Yes one could also be truthfully prejudiced with or without others... Yet I wish to believe that an opened to God and Nature consciousness as well as universal human rights prevail...

Kind regards, Rosti

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